I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize