I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
