Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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