Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize