I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
