We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
