my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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