Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
