Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
