Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
