so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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