You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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