Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
