i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's get the cat blown out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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