I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
