Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
