She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize