I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
