he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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