so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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