We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
