Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
