I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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