I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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