He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
