ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
