Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found your dick twin last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
