yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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