I need help removing her.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
