I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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