you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
