I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
