why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
