I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
