She is in my trunk
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
