I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
