bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
