If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize