spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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