The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
