Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
