Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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