She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
