Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
