my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i think my cat just said my name.
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