I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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