we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
