i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
