I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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