It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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