What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
