DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
