The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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