Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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