i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
