I skipped work to stalk him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm both gender and math confused
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
