he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
