It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
