Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
