1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
