If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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