yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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