have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
