Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
