i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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