So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
