youre lurking in front of me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He better not be in your backpack
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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