There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
