She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
