do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
