Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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