Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
