watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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