Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
